I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
