I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
