took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
