omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
