Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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