Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You may now shotgun with the bride
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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