goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
