I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
