my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Someone shit on the floor
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
