Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
