my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
