I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
