If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
