I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i out mim tonsoeep
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