If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
