You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
