I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
