Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
