Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
