it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
He felt like a one man threesome
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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