I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
