well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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