Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
