I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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