Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
