My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
