He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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