Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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