Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
