from now on my penis is your penis
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
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