Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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