i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
