i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
