do herpes really smell.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
