Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
