Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
