The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Welp...herpes.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
