We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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