You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
