I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
