I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
