i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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