I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
