Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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