No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
