sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
