Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she smelled like a LAN party
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
