I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
