Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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