Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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